Blue Beetle (1986) #3

Bulletpoints

This issue is good if you like:

• Ted.
• Ted being competent. And badass. And funny.
• Ted being kind.
• Probably the most colorful members of his rogues gallery: Farley Fleeter and the Madmen.
• Yet more of the awesome secondary cast.
• Lieutenant Max Fisher!
• Fast-paced action that keeps you on your toes the whole time.

This issue sucks if you’re looking for:

• An increasingly desperate escape from the words ‘old son’.

• —actually, that’s about it. This book’s really solid.

  • Though yeah, the ‘old son’ thing gets annoying very fast.

Briefly, Before We Get Started

Amidst the chaos that is the greater world, as well as starting a new job wherein I’ll be processing payroll for over a hundred colleagues and an entire county’s worth of foster and adoptive parents, I can’t necessarily promise a lot of extra content right now, not until I get into the swing of it. But I can promise to try to entertain you in the regular fashion, and I’ll probably still see about reviewing that issue of Green Lantern that is Guy’s debut, because Hal “Crazy Eyes” Jordan alone is worth the price of admission.

One thing I’m gonna bring up, though, is the possibility of moving this newsletter/blog to a self-hosted version of Ghost, not only for Boldly Reading, but also possibly to offer space to other fandom-based newsletters/blogs for hella cheap. Because currently, Substack takes 10% right off the top, and that’s not counting Stripe fees. Right now, that’s still more economical than self-hosting necessarily would be, but it’s something I’ve been considering anyway, particularly for the opportunity to platform others and allow them to monetize their content and keep all but the Stripe fees. (I mean, I’m already paying for one fanfic archive and part of a second, plus a Discord ‘bot named Skeets — because of course I named him that — so it’s not unprecedented that I’d jump into doing more.)

I’ve polled a few people and there does seem to be some interest in the idea, so we’ll see how it goes. If I do end up doing this, though, it’ll probably be a few months before it gets off the ground. Still, if you’re interested, feel free to comment here or get hold of me in any of the thousand other venues I haunt like a particularly determined poltergeist to discuss it.

And now—

The Actual Review

I wasn’t actually joking when I said that it’s hard to review this issue without it becoming just a litany of adoration for one Theodore Kord, but for all our sakes, I’m gonna give it a try.

Our Azure Avenger is coming back home after a long night; the lovely box in the upper corner grounding us in the time of day and helping give context. Accordingly, it seems Ted’s been up and working steady since last issue; it’s a good thing he’s still a relatively young man because frankly, I lost the ability to pull an all-nighter sometime in the past ten years and he not only pulled one, but did it after a brutal one-on-one battle in the midst of a raging museum fire.

But instead of Ted getting to park the Bug and maybe take a nap, we cut over to look in on Jeremiah Duncan, who goes from parking woes to oh shit, I’m being shaken down by a dude who overuses the phrase ‘old son’ so often that you wonder if it’s somehow a kink.

Rather than grab Fleeter by the hairs on his chinny-chin-chin to swing him by, using him as a bludgeon against his varying-height comrades, Jeremiah gets smacked around about some deadline that the audience is in the dark about. When he proclaims he can’t actually do what he’d promised to do, Fleeter takes it upon himself to attempt a beat-down, only to run into—

—this GQMFer. Beyond how badass it is, threatening to take someone’s arm off (even knowing that Ted never would do that), there’s also the way that even after a sleepless night and a hell of a busy day before, Ted’s still clever enough to zing off the one liner, “Of course, that’s only because most folks haven’t had the opportunity you’ve had— to meet me face-to-fist!”

Some significant part of the fun of reading this book is getting to grin at all his quippy little turns of phrase, often while he’s kicking the absolute shit out of everyone with very little in the way of apparent effort. I’ve mentioned it before, but JLI’s sitcom lean means we didn’t really get to see Ted show off all these hand-to-hand skills often, and that allowed a kind of Flanderization of his character to take place that he still hasn’t recovered from decades later. ¹

Heck, we didn’t even get to see him show off his genius all that often, either, which is another shame. And when Jurgens took over the Justice League book, he sort of half-way tried to course-correct Ted back into a sharp, competent and decidedly badass hero, but only succeeded in part; he kind of also tried to make Ted creepier, which— are you kidding me, Dan? Really? Why?

But anyway, back to this book, Fleeter decides that — rather than get his ass handed to him on a silver platter — pulling a gun might bring the fight to a close. He says that Beetle might be fast, but he’s not as fast as a bullet, to wit Ted replies, “Maybe not, Hotshot—”

Fleeter and his little gang decide discretion is the better part of valor and beat a very hasty retreat; Ted doesn’t give chase because he’s more worried about Jeremiah at the moment (understandably), though when he turns to see where his friend is, he finds Jeremiah had slipped away in the chaos, too.

There’s a lot of foul-play afoot in this issue, because next we jump to Evanston, Illinois, where Angie — who we learned last issue was reluctantly stealing from her boss — is getting ready for work. We also find out a little more about her situation and who she’s stealing for, though not enough to really put a face to him.

She tries to protest only to have this un-pictured uncle grab her and hurt her, making her promise to steal what he needs or wants for whatever Highly Dramatic™ revenge on the world he’s seeking. Given this does not seem to be Eyebrows McGee, and we know it’s not Firefist, nor is it Farley Fleeter (or Farley’s goat-beard)— it seems we add another villain to Ted’s collection!

(Seriously, he’s making up ground on Booster, who collects enemies like some people might collect stamps or baseball cards. 🤣)

From Angie, we go back to Ted, who is finally getting to put the Bug away after a long night and a stop on the side to try to help Jeremiah. I love the occasional mention of the electronics that prevent him from being unmasked easily by an enemy, as well as details on the actual build of his costume; it makes sense and it’s always been a neat bit of worldbuilding that’s carried over from his Charlton days, and another sad loss later on in the Justice League books.

Of course, Ted’s fashion sense in his civilian guise remains just as bad; I’m also wondering at the logic of him cruising in his convertible with the top down two nights ago, but needing a jacket and scarf now. I mean, living in the midwest myself, I know that the weather can be fickle, but that does seem to be a bit of a pivot there. 🤣

We pause for a moment at the actual shrine to Dan Garrett, where Ted reaches out past the actual candles to lovingly press his fingers to Dan’s picture. Then we head upstairs to where Murray’s hanging around in KORD’s metallurgy lab, playing around with the promethium we saw him on his way to deliver last issue, except for that few minutes where sock-head hexed the tires until they unhexed themselves again.

Another thing I actually quite love and want to point out about this iteration of Ted is how easily and freely he gives credit to others, and how open he is with his praise. It’s another thing you almost never actually see him do during the JLI era, but here in his solo, you can see why everyone and their brother would call him kind later on when eulogizing him ²; in the JLI, he didn’t come across as particularly generous with anything, let alone his praise, so it was always a bit of a headscratcher to me why everyone was saying he was so nice. I’m not saying the Giffen/DeMatteis version was mean, mind — at least, not until you get to the Super Buddies — but he seemed closed off a lot of the time and compared to this version, pretty self-centered.

Whereas this Ted—

—is incredibly quick to hype someone up and make them feel good about themselves and their work. I mean, I wish most of my bosses were even half as sweet as Ted is, not only here, but also later on, too.

It’s not to say he’s perfect; he does make mistakes in this book, he ends up neglecting KORD, Inc. because he’d much rather be a superhero. He and Mel’s relationship will, heartachingly, become more and more estranged, and things don’t go so hot for Murray, either. But through it all, those things don’t seem like fundamental character flaws nearly so much as they seem like plain human mistakes, the likes of which anyone can make.

But anyway, after that somewhat foreshadowy and ominous question about how anyone would even know where the promethium is, we cut over to where a bandaided Farley Fleeter is meeting with Eyebrows McGee.

We still don’t get a name for Mister McGee — which is fine, really, we don’t need one yet — but we do find out that he wants Fleeter to revive the Madmen, his gang of colorfully attired miscreants, to the tune of paying them 50K each. (Naturally, Fleeter tells them that the offer was less later because he’s just that kind of a guy.) Fleeter asks, incredulous, who he has to assassinate for that kind of scratch and Eyebrows McGee sets his sites on invading KORD, Inc. as loudly as possible.

From there, we skip back to the aforementioned KORD, Inc. where Ted decides to sneak up on his girlfriend.

Admittedly, having Ted’s giant hand on the back of one’s head in such a tender way probably does make it especially hard to get mad at him. ³ I can’t blame Mel for her instant forgiveness. Also, the bantering here is just really cute; Mel trash-talking her boss — aka, Ted — and Ted agreeing with her. The nickname ‘Red Ryder.’

Ted asks where Jeremiah is and they tease the man apparently in absentia, only for the man to show up not-a-little irritable. Which is pretty understandable given his morning started with a stolen parking spot and a free pre-work beatdown by a man who took fashion tips from a billy goat.

Jeremiah’s defensiveness doesn’t stop Ted from showing concern or trying to understand what’s going wrong, though he kind of ends up stonewalled and clearly doesn’t feel great about it.

Despite that promise to himself, though, Ted has other problems — some related, some not — heading down the pipe towards him. For example, the stack of boxes being delivered to KORD’s dock which just so happen to be the rough dimensions of a coffin, the type of which could, in theory, hold a whole person. Actually, several persons! Or for another example, a nefarious shadowy sock-wearing tire-hexer who may potentially be Eyebrows McGee. Or for yet another example—

That’s right, it’s the good Lt. Fisher, come to shake down our fine young man, but only after giving poor Angie the scare of her life, because she thinks Fisher’s there for her, no thanks to her thieving for her uncle! Needless to say, it’s a very busy day at KORD, Inc.

Luckily for Angie, though, Fisher isn’t there for her. Instead, he walks in on Ted, playing darts with himself for astronomical amounts of money; Ted, who for some reason unfathomable, is still wearing his very Christmas-colored scarf in his office. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Also— is that Tricky Dick’s face he’s using as a dart board…? Or ex-Mayor Daley’s…? Or something else’s? If you know, I’d love it if you’d tell me!

Anyway, after making Ted a little nervous — though by no means panicky — Fisher makes it clear that he’s got Ted in his sites, much like Ted has whatever probable-politician there for a dart-board.

After that, we take a little jaunt downstairs where our dockworkers are contemplating a change in employment and the suspiciously coffin-sized boxes explode to reveal some decidedly non-corpse occupants in the colorful forms of the Madmen, led by ole goat-beard himself! Because who actually needs dignity?

The pace immediately kicks up a notch here and remains positively break-neck through the rest of the issue; up top the building, the fire alarm that one of the dockworkers managed to hit clues Ted and Fisher that trouble’s afoot. I love the very modern take on Ted’s apparently touch-responsive glass-top desk here; this is the kind of thing you see nowadays as regular tech, but considering this was 1986, it shows just how forward-thinking he — and probably his company — was.

Ted discovers the infiltration of the Madmen; Fisher tells Ted to stay put while he goes to help, but of course, the Blue Beetle’s not about to stick around twiddling his thumbs. Like something out of a fifties spy-novel, Ted twists the dart in the middle of his political dartboard, revealing the entrance to his secret elevator.

I do have to pause here and wonder how that got constructed without someone knowing about it. Even though Ted’s a genius engineer, building a whole-ass elevator from the top floor to deep underground isn’t exactly a one-man operation. (Never mind Ted’s Beetle’s Nest down there, or the tunnel in from the lake, or—) I know it’s comic-book logic, but mulling over the most logical explanation is kind of entertaining, not gonna lie.

While Ted’s off changing into his blue union suit, Angie’s trying to deal with the inundation of Madmen at the reception desk, which leads to this little exchange:

Which I happen to love. Partly because I absolutely get a kick out of Ted knocking a dude out with a solid left hook, and partly because I love how Angie just steps right up despite the chaos and deals with the Madman that Ted just put on the ground.

In the lab, meanwhile, Mel and Jeremiah set off countermeasures, which catch Ted by surprise, but which he nonetheless neatly evades. Max Fisher doesn’t let any grass grow under his feet, either, pistol-whipping another colorful intruder. Then we see Fleeter and one of his goons break into the lab where Mel and Jeremiah are holed up and where Fleeter overuses the term ‘old son’ so many times on a single damn page that you kind of want to beat him to death just for that alone.

(Seriously, three times. One page.)

Fleeter comes up with the notion to take Ted on with some kind of experimental weapon that KORD’s developing, even as Ted performs some emergency dental rearrangement on a couple Madmen via his boots, though only after telling us that he wants world peace and pizza that doesn’t get soggy. 🤣

Give Ted credit, the man has to be thirty-six hours awake and working so far, and yet he’s still moving well enough to avoid getting turned into Swiss Beetle while also trying to solve the mystery of why the Madmen have returned to cause trouble.

We take a brief moment then, while Ted’s dodging bullets, to check in on the sock-head hexer, who is breaking into the metallurgy lab after the promethium, thereby all but confirming for sure that he and Eyebrows McGee are actually one and the same. He knocks poor Curt out and snatches the promethium, declaring that he’s now truly invincible, though we don’t yet know why he’s saying that. But considering he turned a steel pipe into knockout gas, it’s probably something to do with his Big Reveal here shortly.

Right before we get to that, though, we have this entirely delightful panel showing off the general speed, grace and badassery that is the second Blue Beetle. He not only avoids yet more bullets, but then he pulls his BB gun and sends Fleeter into the wall hard enough to knock the man silly and thankfully put an end to any more invocations of ‘old son’. (For now, anyway. Alas.)

Ted doesn’t wait around, though: He heads immediately to the metallurgy lab, only to find that the door’s been melted and inside is the sock-wearing menace who is Probably Eyebrows McGee, only now named— DOCTOR ALCHEMY!

The self-proclaimed doctor is also now the self-proclaimed rightful ruler of the world, apparently. He’s just about as delusional as the type of person who walks around with a bad spray-on tan or pays people to cheat on video games for stolen clout, though we have to wait until next issue to see how it is our beloved Azure Avenger manages to deal with him.

As issues go, this is a fun one that doesn’t ever quite slow down. My favorite parts are definitely the character beats, though: Ted’s kindness to his staff, his genuine affection for his girlfriend, his concern for Jeremiah. Even his bantering with Max Fisher. There’s nothing earth-shattering about it, it’s just a fairly fast-paced, well-written tale with enough of the aforementioned character beats to keep it interesting and likewise continue teaching us more about the cast.

I do have a lot I’m probably gonna say when I have extra time about the Flanderization of Ted Kord, from here where he’s exceptionally competent — if realistically flawed — to later on in the JLI where he gets increasingly neurotic, to the point of ultimately retiring with heart issues in Bird of Prey, and then being considered an acceptable sacrifice on the alter of Infinite Crisis. I think it’s an interesting conversation to have because there’s always more than one angle to look at it from. Like whether his popularity as a character would have taken off in JLI if his characterization was held more closely to what it was in this book, for example. And — if you want an especially interesting one — how he sort of ended up most of the way back to this characterization post-Rebirth as Jaime’s mentor, at least when handled by someone with some measure of skill ⁴.

That being said, I have to wrap this one for now. Probably next up will be Booster’s third issue in a week, unless I manage to get something done between now and then.

So, until then, see you next time!